Archive for December, 2009
What Makes a Marriage Work
Posted by: | CommentsWhat makes a marriage work? I’ve been thinking about this topic quite a bit lately and made a few contributions to the Forum on this website. Many different styles of marriage work. People have different ways of making a happy life together. Being compatible is a good start, but is not enough. I propose that that these key ingredients promote a happy marriage:
- Each person has qualities that allow them to get along with another person, such as emotional maturity, sense of humor, kindness, flexibility, and spiritual mindedness.
- Each person is honest and committed to the success of the relationship and the happiness of the other person.
- Each person, as an individual, is able to find a happy path in life and to navigate its disappointments and tragedies.
- The couple finds a way to bring their lives together in a happy way, being able to work through conflicts; and share fun, responsibilities, quiet moments, sexual intimacy, and casual conversation.
- The couple is supported by a community of family and/or friends.
Tips for Handling Marital Conflict
Posted by: | CommentsNothing Is Ever Perfect But Ee Can Resolve Conflict In A Tacful Manner
Some people would say that a couple’s ability to handle marital conflict determines the fate of their relationship. I tend to agree. Conflict is a normal part of life. If people bury it, it festers and kills romantic feelings. If conflict is handled in a way that people hurt each other with insensitivity, rigidity, threats or insults—feelings of love are deadened. Here are my quick tips for dealing with marriage conflict:
- Don’t ignore it. Try to avoid going to bed with anger or hurt.
- Be prepared to absorb the blame and to say “I’m sorry”. In reality each person is at fault but it is so much easier to see the other person’s shortcomings. If each person focuses on his or her part, there is a greater opportunity for understanding.
- Maintain a sense of perspective. How serious will the situation seem one week from now or one year from now?
- Understand where your feelings are coming from, but also try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
- Avoid hurtful words and threats at all cost.
Enjoying Life Promotes a Happy Marriage
Posted by: | Comments
Bring Excitement to the Relationship
If your relationship feels bland, perhaps you haven’t been bringing enough excitement into your lives. Sometimes we blame our relationship when we are in fact not fulfilling out own potential for fun and fulfillment.
To get out of a rut, consider how you can enjoy peak experiences. Look back over your life and remember your happiest moments. What were you doing? Also consider your dreams and fantasies—have you had a personal wish list that you put aside due to work and family responsibilities? You can also get your spouse to consider these questions. If you are not having fun together, use this information to plan something new. Read More→
20 Questions—Knowing Their Favorites
Posted by: | CommentsThe Top 20 Things to Know About Your Partner ~ What do you Really Know about Them?
What Do They Really Love? And What do You Know about Them
So what do you know about your spouse, lover or new best
friend? Could you name his favorite color, type of music, the
vacation she considers to be the ultimate? We may not go
into relationships focusing on these little things, but they
are the items that make that person special. The little
things make a person unique to us and create an exclusive
endearment in our minds. Consider the way he likes his coffee: Does he prefer cream? How much? Can you name her Read More→
When Is It Our Turn?-“Re-Feathering The Nest”?
Posted by: | CommentsWe Have So Many Plans as to How our Life is Going to Be.
The relationship that we typically imagine goes something like this: We are young and fit and in love, we know we are better together then apart and so we get married and vow to stay that way till the end of time. We work hard to make all the right moves and create a fun-filled exciting life, one that will provide both security and financial gains of some level.
But we also want to leave something behind, we want our own legacy to carry on through the ages; we start building our family tree. We continue building and making sacrifices for the family because we want our children to have the very best in life. Eventually, a day arrives when you realize you have set aside your own dreams and aspirations to have the family you dreamt of. But now there you are, 30-40-50 years older, and you want to go and climb to the highest points on earth or swim with the biggest mammals in the deep blue sea.
It’s when we realize that we made choices, choices that only the lucky few get to make. We had felt a need to create future generations to share our world with. These are the things we do as loving couples.So when is it our turn?
You have grown children and life is settling back to normal. Work has lightened to a manageable rate and you’re enjoying your run of the house like you use to. Yes, life is good. You start dreaming again—planning things—like you use to. You’reonce again setting goals about where and when you want to be and things to do. You begin to pick up where you had left off. Sure there will be changes, because you’ve changed over the years. Now you and your loved one find new things to enlighten you. You get a small taste and start enjoying more interesting travels and decide this is going to be “ok”.
But wait, there’s more. One child is having an issue and needs financial support and another is having challenges in completing college—they need your guidance and help. Another has started a family of his own and you both have to be there for that. This is what we wanted? Right… There are just good times and bad. It comes with the territory of having a family.
We have to lead by example and that means putting aside our own wants and desires for the betterment of our family. We are parents. It a phase of our relationship that neither of us could have planned for or had ever thought of as we first met. But together we have helped each other and we have done a good thing, we have raised our children to be good citizens and we pray they do the same in their lives.
So did we do it right? Nobody knows. There comes a time in your life when you realize that this was a path you chose and these are the things that have made life worth living. That’s what makes us complete—and the loving couple that we now are.
