Archive for December, 2009
What a Woman Wants ~ Communication
Posted by: | CommentsWhat a Woman Wants………….
Communication
We have all heard the jokes about the nagging wife. And, many men and the kid complain about Mom being a nag. Nagging is not usually the desired result, yes there are a few people that nag by nature but being heard, having a communication about the issue is what she is asking for and when that does not happen, it sounds like nagging but it is a call for help. Here are a few tips to get to stop what you may call “nagging”, (of which I really dislike that word) and take the time to communicate for a win-win situation.
Listen to Her Needs and Contribute to what she is asking for, they are usually very simple reuirements.
Don’t block her out block her out as much as possible, this is the worst thing you can do. Chances are she feels like you aren’t listening to her – and has felt that way for a long time. In her mind, what you view as nagging is her way of trying to get you to understand her. She might not be going about it in the best way, but she’s making an attempt to talk and is tired of saying the same old thing. Really listen to her see if there is a way to solve the problem. For example, if she is complaining because you are walking on the carpet with your shoes on, perhaps she has a legitimate complaint – unless you are the one who cleans up the resulting mess.
Talk to Her
If you have stopped to listen to your partner, you should be able to express your thoughts and opinions on the matter. Wait for a moment when she is not so frustrated, then approach her about the subject and explain to her, in a kind way, your point of view. If possible, make a suggestion or two about how you can help solve the problem. For example, if she has been nagging you about the sink that is clogged, tell her, “I know the sink has been really bothering you, but I hope you can be patient. I’ve been looking for the part I need to fix it. I should have it done soon.” But if you make the promise to do so then do it. We have all heard of the “honey do list” I am sure. It is a good reminder for you and when she sees you are making an effort it will go in your favour.
If she’s being unreasonable, it’s ok to tell her that, too – just be sensitive about it. For example, if she has been nagging you about getting your hair cut, tell her “I know you like it better when I get my hair cut short, but I really like it when it is a little bit longer. I would appreciate it if you would allow me to wear my hair the way I like it best.” Compromise is a big step, ignoring an issue turns to a big problem, as what you may see as something so small, will build for your partner in to a mass of problems and which adds up to a big deal and can begin to cause a rift that is unnecessary.
Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say
After listening to her and talking to her, be sure to follow through with what you have said. Never agree to something just to appease the situation as it will grow, like a fungus. Maybe something’s are unreasonable but all the little things add to a lot and can be overwhelming on top of other duties she has to do.
This is also where personality differences show up, while one needs order the other does not care about those issues. So be sensitive of each other’s needs and there has to be some give and take. And sometimes you have to have a messy space, for example is your are a paper junkie and it seems to collect all around you , find a place that is yours just for that, preferably with a closed door so you partner does not have to see the constant messy reminder.
When dealing with a nagging partner, it’s important to realize that this is her way of trying to talk to you. Don’t blow her off. Instead, validate her feelings and work on resolving the underlying issue. You will both be much happier in the long run.
We all have our quirks that drive each other crazy but and of course this goes for both sides some women are just as messy, if not more than men, learn to help each other out and remember that our personality styles, have different priorities and we notice different things. Personality type it is a big topic and we will be covering this a little later. It is a fascinating and favourite subject of mine and open up a whole new world of understanding.
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Eternity Rings and Bands Symbolize Love and Commitment
Posted by: | CommentsWedding Rings, the Symbol of Love
Symbols of our Love and Commitment
A romantic way to express your everlasting love for your wife or husband is to give an eternity ring or band on a wedding anniversary, the birth of your first child, or an other special occasion. An eternity ring is usually a plain 18 ct band with diamonds on the outer face (known as a half eternity) or going around the full circumference of the ring (a full eternity). Although your first impulse might be to go for the full eternity, there is a practical factor to consider, besides the greater expense. When there are diamonds around the whole ring, you can’t resize it should your mate’s ring size change over the years. A romantic advantage to a half eternity is that , on special occasions you can add more precious stones.
An eternity ring that is custom designed can be rich with personal meaning. You can choose gems such as colored diamonds, emeralds, rubies, and sapphires and different cuts for the stones that adorn the ring. Certain gems have traditional meanings. For example, a red garnet can signify the second year of marriage. You can also assign your own personal symbolism to your gem selection. For example, the gems could be your family birthstones.
How Our Past Can Shape Our Relationships
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I Love to Treat My Wife Every Moment I Can
How We Learn to Love
I love to treat my wife with simple things. We have had rituals that I have always done, after she showers I love to put lotion on her back, take her a glass of wine if she is in the tub and give home pedicures, but I love to do that for her as much as she enjoys that.
The truth is, it is the simplest things in life that count, and there are so many ways to show how you love your partner; you have to be able to show the softer side to make love work. But our behaviours have been learned throughout our lives and experiences.
I have worked mostly with men in the construction field and many of them put on the tough act but deep down most of them have been committed to their partners, talked about them with respect and have shared about their good relationships. I have also seen the other side where there was no respect or at least they did not show it as it was not “the done” thing to do in, especially in front of the other guys, they played the hard-nosed tough guy, but in conversation I could see the reflection of how they were raised in their family and the expectations they had put on them.
Often these were the men that sadly lived with regret and sadness, some lost their marriages and could not figure out why and some lost of spouse after an illness and was left wishing they that had said and done what they really wanted to.
I was raised by my grandmother after my parents separated ; I did not see either of them for years, I had virtually no male influence in my life, not to say this was a good thing but it was all I knew and has resulted in the way I treat my wife. The same for the other guys and how they reacted was the effects of how they were raised.
Some are fortunate to have good balanced family lives, but that seems to be few and far between while others lived with dominant fathers who treated women with little respect. It is amazing how our history shapes our live, however we can all make changes and improvements and it is never too late to bring about change, even if there are small changes. You do not have to get a divorce, leave your family and start all over to make those changes and that is what happens all too often, people feel they are expected to be a certain way and think that if they start to make those changes people will think they are crazy and there is something wrong with them.
But if you are willing to make small changes and take a stand, those around you make changes, too and respond to you how you would like to be treated. You must take the high road. There are marriage course available both via a church or non denominational and sometimes at no cost, or to take a vacation with your partner to rediscover the person you know you want to be “the real you” not having to put on any pretences and this will also help you to talk about the way you would like things and to be and you have been thinking about how to make those changes and I am sure you will get input and bring a lot of happiness to your spouse after she realises the man she loves is still “in there”.
After all if you are going to be together let it be in happiness and never having to live with regret.
Blending Of Two Families
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The Challenges Are Worth the Growing Pains
Not every couple begins with 1+1= you and me. Sometimes we find the ones we love while emerging from other relationships. Today there are large numbers of couples coming together who have already started families and have children with previous partners. So don’t let the math stop you. Most of the time, you will be able to use what you know from the previous relationship as a foundation and to add a better dimension to the new one.
The dating scene can be hard enough for singles, but today the single mom or dad have several options for locating others who understand that situation. Special groups and organizations across the country exist to help locate singles or single parents and bring them together.
Okay, so now you are looking in the right place and you feel good about the new prospects. Have you discussed this with your kids? Maybe they are not old enough to understand and that’s ok; but if they are of an appropriate age, the considerate thing to do is to make some time for them and get their feedback. Ask them how they feel about Mom or Dad dating again. Do they have any questions? Most of the time you won’t get much response, but you have to put it out there. They will more than likely have some sort of opinion and it may tend to be that they want you to be back with their other parent again. It’s normal for them to feel that way so assure them the best way you can, either by further conversations or bringing in the other parent to help them understand it, that moving on is just part of the circumstances. Stepping away from a family relationship is not easy on anyone. But be responsible and let them know the truth.
So how does 1+1 successfully make 3 (or more)? From my experience, it is possible with younger children as they haven’t had the years of attachment to the “other” parent. But make sure that even the older children understand sometimes things don’t work out between people, that they are not at fault, but it is what it is. So once you feel you have a good connection with someone, find something that most if not all of you would enjoy doing: going to the park, the zoo, hiking, or maybe just a barbeque. This will be your time to see how the children interact and give you a chance to talk to all of them about how they feel. It may take a few of these outings to get a real feel for it, so take your time—there’s no need to rush.
When my wife and I got together, she had a 6-year-old and a 2-year-old. I made sure (as soon as we knew they were ready) to sit them down and tell them, “I’m here because I love your mom, and we want to be together. I’m not taking your father’s place, but I will be here if you need me.” I never told them to call me “Dad”, but they both did on their own and that makes me very happy. They’re now grown and I have never regretted anything about blending our families. So, take it from me: It can be done and in some cases very enjoyably, but I feel that it takes consideration and respect for each member of the family to truly make blended families work.
Do You Love You ?
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- Needing to Love Myself Before I Can Love Others
Why I Need To Love Myself So I Can Love Others
I am truly amazed at how many times I hear people say “why would I need to love myself?” In the world of interpersonal relationships there are many levels and layers to search through, but the easiest to overlook are the ones closest to us—our selves.
In business and in personal relationships we have to know our own personal strengths and weaknesses. So how does one “love thyself?” By taking the time to look inside ourselves and evaluate how we like to be treated and how we respond to situations that occur all around us on a daily basis. Turn to the basics we should have learned as children—treat others with respect, to make friends be a friend, when someone is sad offer a helping hand or lend an open ear. Read More→
