Making Love After Having A Baby
February 26, 2010
Making Love After Having A Baby
Honesty is no doubt an integral part of living a fulfilled, accomplished and moral life. The concepts behind honesty are one of the first things that children are taught and honesty is encouraged in just about every venue of life. Thomas Jefferson said “honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” The trouble with honesty is that in raw form it is a search for the truth; and the truth is different for every living person.
When it comes to being honest with you spouse certainly it is an important part of marriage. But there is honesty in the moment and honest that wreaks from a lifetime of living. The internal person within all of us has many secrets and undeniably many should not be shared – even with a spouse. Life tells us that even as intricately as we know a person – there is no real knowing anyone wholly but the self! Look how many stories about sinister ugliness that comes from people whose lives seemed full of integrity and honor. It seems that honesty is okay and accepted as long as the truth that we tell is as well. Being honest and the entire concept of honesty is bewildering at best.
Let’s talk about your spouse. Few spouses want to admit when their spouse annoys them to no end. Few will say that they look ugly, or blurt out for the sake of honesty that they just don’t turn them on the way they used to. Spouses don’t routinely share the innermost thoughts and desires that make up their daily mental chatter and few take the risk to answer questions honestly when they know their answer will hurt their loved one. Perhaps in some light all of this can be looked at as lying. There are white lies- the ones we tell to protect or save someone from something unnecessary and there are those lies that we tell others to protect ourselves from something we fear. Honesty and being honest with others has a lot to do with being real with ourselves. If we feel ashamed of our behavior or actions we lie…we lie to ourselves to make us feel better and we hide our wrong from the world. Millions of couples do this with each other and millions of couples survive marriages where love exists but honesty is chosen with care.
Being honest with your spouse is often about trust. There has to be a certain level of trust that by opening our mouths to speak the truth, we won’t close our heart or feel judged, ridiculed or humiliated by our spouse in any way. Since marriage enables us to understand and know our spouse a little better – we can often gauge their reaction before it happens. If we know our spouse is going to react badly, disagree or it is going to cause an argument it may be wise to speak the truth elsewhere. Of course marriage does call for us to be honest at most times; as it pertains to life’s responsibilities, our love for one another, commitment and long term goals. No spouse wants to suddenly realize that the other has been hiding $40 worth of debt. But in everyday life, honesty with our spouses may be over rated. Honesty with our selves on the other hand is vital for a fulfilled life!
Many spouses ask questions that they don’t want to know the answer to anyways. Does this make me look fat, do you think John’s wife is prettier than me, are you glad we got married, do you think it’s stupid that I go to the tanning bed, have you ever cheated on me, who is the best person in bed you have ever been with and a plethora of other stupid questions really don’t deserve honesty. In cases like this honesty serves no purpose. Other questions deserve honesty. How was your day, do you like your boss, can I get a new car, do we have money in the bank, are all the bills paid etc. are all examples of questions that deserve being honest with your spouse. The ancient proverb “if you really want honesty, don’t ask the questions you really don’t want the answer to” applies fully.
The difficulty in honesty is not just about being honest with other people. Humans are such a complex breed of thinkers that all the thoughts in our minds, feelings in our hearts are just not meant to be explained and spoken to anyone else. Not even our spouse. There is this preconceived notion that married couples spend countless hours talking and divulging their souls when in reality they spent countless hours figuring out how to be who they want to be and be a loving spouse without destroying either relationship. Millions of wives don’t tell their husbands they went shopping 3 days in a row, just like millions of husbands forget to mention the beer they had after work with co-workers. Would honesty make the relationship better or just throw more upon it to deal with? Have either of these fallacies broken a vow or destroyed love or commitment. Unequivocally no- but they may have saved an argument. If a person in their own right can maintain their integrity by not telling the truth than perhaps there is no lie. Marriage is not supposed to be an intrusion on our private moment or thoughts, rather a benefit to our often lone lives. We are married to make each other happier, better somehow – not to become another persons master or parent.
Being honest with your spouse gets easier and easier over time. In the beginning each partner has habits that drive the other crazy so they withhold the truth. Not lying really! Over time, when love persists and couples realize that they pretty much are going to be together forever; they begin to pay attention to their own lives again and do what they want anyway. In a way- this turns us back into honest people because no one is hiding anymore or overly worrying about being judged or ridiculed. Take me as I am, or don’t take me- either way I don’t care, seems to be the attitude. At this stage in a relationship, honesty comes easy because stupid questions and bogus expectations cease and couples slump back into a position of just being married, happy and content.
Dave Von Ronk coined honesty in it true form. He said “Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone – and hurt them to the bone, you can feel self righteous about it at the same time.” In a marriage this will never work. Being honest with your spouse in essence is part of a healthy marriage; however maintaining respect for feelings and differences is also important. A marriage can survive through a web of irresponsible and silly white lies that in no way serve to tear apart the couple- but once the harsh truth is unleashed; the separation of hearts is expansive, irreversible and growing each day. Since truth changes often and is more likely in the eyes of the beholder- it may be good advice to sit on our eggs a while before hatching them. Especially with our spouses.
Forgiveness in Love and Relationships
February 26, 2010
Forgiveness in Love and Relationships
Marriage is intended to bring two people together; but there is no way to make two people happy or guarantee that is was the match made in heaven as it seemed at the time.
Every marriage at one point or another is going to face turmoil. Some situation, turn of events, harsh spoken words or actions will completely, knock one off their feet; leading to, anger, frustration and pain or any number of effects depending on the person.
It can be as monumental as infidelity or a little white lie or a pile of little white lies, and in order to get through it, – forgiveness is necessary, whatever the outcome you choose.
Letting go of hurts or wrongs is never easy and can be one of the most difficult things we may have to face in our relationship but if we do not let go we are the ones that feel the pain, while the other person may not even be aware, and we are torturing ourselves as they think they are the victim now they have been caught.
In a marriage or partnership the hurts can add up to a whole lot of pain that we are holding and we are the ones carrying the weight until we cannot take anymore and explode and possibly going beyond repair. With so much at stake including our health it leaves you wondering what it is we are holding onto by not allowing ourselves to forgive.
However, this is so easy to say; it depends on how we were raised, what were our examples, what did we see our parents put up with and what is our level of self worth?
So the question then moves onto how in the world we forgive someone for hurting us, especially someone who took a vow to love us and respect us? The first thing we do is go through the emotions of our pain, allow anger to turn to tears and wait a while for the tears to dry, then communicate our needs, wants and feelings to the person who hurt us. We can scream, yell and do whatever we need to do to help relieve the pain Read more
Become the Sex Goddess You Want to Be
February 26, 2010
How to Keep the Romance Alive and Become the Sex Goddess You Want to Be
This is about the most comprehensive what I thought was going to be a book, but turns out to be a fantastic package if purchased that way, the choice is yours. The author has been featured on Oprah and is a top selling author on making love and keeping the spark alive.feel free to click on the banner and check it out, and remember there is no obligation what so ever. Be curious!
For men and women alike one of the chief complaints in a marriage is boredom in the bedroom. Perhaps in secret most married couples not only dread the idea of sex but have begun to fall into a routine of making love that is definitely not what it used to be.
The truth is after a while we just wind down, get into old habits, spend time on the internet or other activities we used to do. We get tired, less interested or often one partner has more interest in sex than another. We all have different levels of sexual interest and all too often we do not discuss how we feel, which can lead to the other feeling rejected.
Most just end up wanting to sleep and untouched for once, as they know even a snuggle is going to lead to the dreaded sex that they are trying to avoid. After a while finding the energy for sex becomes unimportant and often over rated! While it may be fun to look at it from a humorous point of view the truth is that boredom in the bedroom or lack of anything in the bedroom, can certainly take it’s toll on a couple!
It’s easy to become so complacent and get caught up in everyday life of kids, work, keeping a house and paying the bills. It’s no wonder our divorce rates are so high because everything else is on the to do list, except to make time for “us”
The other factor is women often don’t feel so attractive and feel that do not want to be seen in that light. Strange changes can occur, some men find their wives the sexiest ever while pregnant and after while others make it quite clear that they are nit attracted to them and avoid seeing their wife with the body they used to have.
By time we realize we haven’t made love to our spouse in a month or longer we are usually frustrated and irritated. We realize we have not even cuddled, kissed or said an “I love you” for the longest time. This is where you can either head for trouble or head for a quickie. So how do we feel more sexual again, what can we do to make us feel attractive to the other?
Maybe it’s time for some good books on making love, some romantic movies with a little steaminess or something more daring if you are up to it. But make sure it is something that works for both of you, lovemaking must be a safe place and bring you closer, not make you feel less comfortable with each other; this is a time for building trust and wanting more of each other and with some new moves and ideas great sex will return and as you go through different ages and stages of your life sex can get hotter than ever.
You’ll wonder who the heck what that sexy woman after you have tried some moves. Not only great for the relationship, but the mind, body and soul and self confidence…… Move Over Sex in the City!
Check out these fabulous books and DVD’s, after all you are worth it
Being Honest with your Spouse
February 26, 2010
Honesty is Key to Growing Marriage
Being Honest, unspoken words will Still Show in the Relationship
Honesty is no doubt an integral part of living a fulfilled, accomplished and moral life. The concepts behind honesty are one of the first things that children are taught and honesty is encouraged in just about every venue of life. Thomas Jefferson said “honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” The trouble with honesty is that in raw form it is a search for the truth; and the truth is different for every living person.
When it comes to being honest with you spouse certainly it is an important part of marriage. But there is honesty in the moment and honest that wreaks from a lifetime of living. The internal person within all of us has many secrets and undeniably many should not be shared – even with a spouse. Life tells us that even as intricately as we know a person – there is no real knowing anyone wholly but the self! Look how many stories about sinister ugliness that comes from people whose lives seemed full of integrity and honor. It seems that honesty is okay and accepted as long as the truth that we tell is as well. Being honest and the entire concept of honesty is bewildering at best. Read more
Being in Love-What are the Risks?
February 26, 2010
Being In Love – What Are The Risks?
Is falling in love risky? Strange question you might say. Is it possible for people to avoid falling in love out of fear of being hurt if it breaks up? It is indeed a risk, but one that you have to take, otherwise you will spend your whole life alone. Life is full of risks. You have to face risky situations at every corner of life. Even when you get up from bed you may stumble and fall down. There is no risk free zone in life.
Being in an abusive relationship is though an altogether different story. It is a risk that will never pay off. In fact it is like taking oil out of a dry well. If you ever fall in love with an abusive person who takes advantage of your faith and feels that your love for him/her is a weakness then it is a risk. You will always suffer in that relationship. It is better to end that relationship. In fact the sooner you get rid of that relationship the better. Although it would be quite difficult in the beginning but later you will be happy that you broke it. Abusive relationships are a risk that you are better of not taking.
Falling in love and experiencing love is the most enriching thing in life. In fact it is said that, “it is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all”. So do fall in love, don’t just sacrifice the experience of falling in love to stay risk free. Think about the good and happy relationships you know. Don’t listen to stories of emotional abuses, most people who are in such a relationship, choose that path consciously. Please remember that though you may not find many happy couples around you but those who are happy got there because they took risk.
One more risk that is associated with falling in love is that you may not be able to give 100% to your job. This is particularly true if you are involved in an office romance. To speak the language of profit and loss, try to analyze, whether the benefits of such a relationship are more or the loss is more. Is it likely to develop into something good or will it end up as a casual fling. Avoid constantly being together in the office. Keep the contact level professional. Largely depending on the way you behave at work you may earn the respect of your co-workers or you may get entangled in office gossip.
Another important point to consider is whether your partner is approved by your family and friends. If the person is not approved by your near and dear ones you might end up feeling alienated. If your families have a history that is similar to that of the Montagues and the Capulets then it is better that you think twice before involving yourself. Another point that you should take into account is whether you or your partner have children from previous relationships. If you consider all these factors into account then there is no reason why your love should not give you as much happiness as possible.
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