Dating

If we were to believe the movies, dating is either a cinch—the person of your dreams walks in, you’re instantly intrigued, you flirt expertly while the steam and the background music rise, and you’re off to a beautiful, romantic, sexy beginning—or a disaster, as in the Mr. Goodbar girl-meets-killer or Fatal Attraction boy-meets-lunatic scenarios.

Real-life dating actually falls in the enormous middle ground between these two fantasies. It’s not a snap, it takes some work, but, with some inside information, it can be done right, and it can lead to lots of fun times and dating success. What makes the difference, is understanding what the potential problems of dating are, and knowing the skills to overcome, accept or reject  those problems tactfully when they arise, and they will when you meet a new person.

All of the What If’s?

If you were a movie character, you’d be sure of yourself, clear on what you want, beautifully turned out, and ready to go. But, you’re you—a human being, with some confusion, some doubts, and some insecurity, like all the rest of us.

 Do research before you go out looking for places to meet people, just as you would in shopping for a new computer or appliance. Ask your friends for recommendations, call for information, and look in local newspapers for resources, so you know where you want to go, the hours, the open days, what to wear, and what’s likely to happen before you waste time acting on wrong

When you sincerely prepare to date, and think about what to do first, you’re probably going to have some quibbles—things you give yourself a hard time about—and some waffles—things you can’t decide about. The most common fall into four categories:

1. I’m not ready

These are all the reasons you cook up

• I’m not emotionally healed from my last experience.
• I haven’t a thing to wear!
• I don’t know how to: talk, flirt, behave, stay safe.
• I have to lose some weight, grow some hair, get a nose job, get my Ph.D….
• I don’t have any time.
• How will I know if this is the right person for me? and so many other questions
• And the try this you just won’t know, the relationship will unfold as it is meant to or mot and either way that is ok, the worse that can happen you made a new acquaintance and had lunch or a walk together, and even made a new friend.

 All of these quibbles are just excuses for not getting started, not good, solid reasons. If you are still hurting from your last experience, you may want to attend therapy, but you can still go out and begin meeting new people. Dating, as we present it here, is not an instant process, and going through the process can be part of your healing process.

While looking your best is indeed an important part of dating, excuses about clothing, weight, hair, and other aspects of your appearance are not a reason to postpone dating. Actually, getting your appearance together is one of the first steps toward dating. If you are insecure about dating behavior, flirting, and so on, learning how to do that, too, is an excellent beginning toward dating.

If your schedule is so busy that you cannot manage an evening a week, or some weekend time during which to date, you have some organizing to do in your life to be prepared to have a dating relationship. As you’ll see, meeting new people and dating can be integrated into things you already do, and you can organize your life so you’ll have enough spare time.

 Link to this page

 Link to this page