An amicable divorce
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An amicable divorce. Is it possible? What does it take?
By the time a married couple get to the point where they decide to get divorced, there is a lot of anger and ill will involved and the possibility that the end will be civil and amicable is remote. But some couples are able to do it. But I’m not sure any of us know how other than they have tremendous respect for each other.
It takes a certain level of resolve and patience to try to end things calmly. Those that do succeed in an amicable divorce come to the conclusion that it really serves no purpose to make an enemy of their spouse. There is no “pay off” for doing so other than a momentary sense of revenge.
Perhaps the most important factor in how a divorce is carried out is maturity—or the lack of it. With anger comes pettiness and the inability to forgive.
Ironically, if there are kids involved, there is a better chance at an amicable divorce. It’s very important to keep things civil for the sake of the children. The man and woman, as parents, know they will have to work together to raise their children the best way they know how. They can’t just walk away and put the relationship behind them.
Do You believe and amicable divorce is possible?
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I think the reason a couple splits is partly what determines if the divorce is amicable or not. If he’s leaving you for another woman, you probably won’t feel too much like being agreeable. If you’ve grown apart and can’t get the spark back, then maybe a divorce on good terms is managable.
When I went through a divorce 15 years ago, it was mostly amicable. We had a six year old who was foremost in our thoughts, which led us to put our anger and egos aside to make it work. We read a lot of books at the time that said studies showed it wasn’t whether parents divorced or not, but the quality of the relationships after the divorce that affected children the most.
We went through mediation and got a Pro Se divorce (do it yourself), keeping lawyers out of it. I think that helped, too. Our lives were pretty simple at the time so there was no fighting over who gets what.
We were both angry, and got through it. We were friends for awhile. Then we just went our own ways, with our own private lives.