How Do You Tell Your Partner About Your Sexual Abuse History

How To Talk to Your Partner About a Your Sexual Abuse History

Talking about sex is never easy but talking about your sexual past can put a relationship to the ultimate test, especially when you want to share something as difficult as sexual abuse.

However, it is an essential part of a new relationship; you need to share something as important as the sexual abuse you suffered as you may still be dealing with triggers and emotional as a result of what was done to you. First of all, is this a relationship you want to invest in? Do you trust this person enough to open up to? And if the answer is no, maybe this is something for you to evaluate before you stay in this partnership. If the answer is yes then move forward. 

If your new partner is a person you want to be with, then he or she will want to hear what you have to say and what will affect the relationship in many ways. It is an important step to protect your emotions and to share with your partner about a very influential part of your life. A few steps can help you talk about a sexual abuse history in a relationship.

Tell your partner you want to share something important with them and find a quiet time and place to be able to sit and talk to them. Be honest about your past, your feelings and how the abuse affected you and where you stand now with your history of abuse.

Share what triggers you have, if you still have any and how your partner can support you. Also know that your partner may be uncomfortable with what they are hearing, it is painful for others to hear and can even invoke anger as they come to know how you have been hurt. You may even get a response where your partner is also a survivor of abuse; with the statistics as high as they are it is quite a possible response to opening a conversation about sexual abuse. This can be several responses and any response can be normal.

Ask your partner how they feel when you share information of your past and allow your partner to ask questions. Explain you are telling them because you them about the history of sexual abuse in order for your partner to understand more about you and your thoughts, reactions about the sexual abuse.

When you allow your partner to ask questions you help your partner feel included create an atmosphere of trust in the relationship.

Remember that you were not at fault and you can make the conversation as short or as in depth as you want to or are comfortable with.

Give your partner some time to digest what they have heard and leave the door open for them to ask more questions or to share how they feel after what they you have shared with them. Often a partner may feel you are fragile and not sure how to approach sexual matters with them, help them understand what is acceptable to you and if there is anything that is not. If any relationship is  to survive honesty is essential so you may as well share sooner than late, then you can work through the relationship together.