Get Real and Stop Running After the Relationship Myth
March 4, 2010
Get Real and Stop Running After the Relationship Myth
Relationship just does not have one stage. There are many beginning from a crush or infatuation to a mature relationship that involves understanding friendship and a something that is deeper and more secure which is termed as mature love.
When you meet for the first time it is attraction and emotions that completely take over. You are completely involved in an excitement that sways you off your feet. The initial attraction completely takes over and you can’t see sense. You wait endlessly for this person. You call each other many times in a day and every word spoken by that special person has a lot of meaning. You feel as if there is some magic in the other person. You want to spend every breathing minute with that person. You adore everything they say or do and you always wait eagerly for the minute you will meet that person and time seems to fly when that person is around. You find everything they say or do interesting and exciting and you are ready to tolerate everything they do. When you make love it is full of magic and you just don’t want to hold back. You are confident that this person is your soul mate. You are head over heels in love. This is just the beginning of love, but when things get real you will want more from this relationship. Life is all about mundane chores, adjustments and getting on with life. You would like to develop this relationship into something that is deeper and mature something that sustains through life.
It is important that you think about love in realistic terms and not this initial heady crush where everything is rosy. When love becomes mature and where the bond is very strong then the initial infatuation will definitely go. The attraction and spark will remain but it is not going to last forever. The heady intensity can’t be sustained always. Don’t think that just because the initial wild passion is no longer there then your love is over and you don’t love each other any more. If you think like this you will assume that you should now start looking for something new in your life. You may try to recreate the emotional high once again with somebody else. It is time you stop chasing love as it exists in romantic novels and try real love, which is more fulfilling.
Once you get to know your partner try becoming their friend. Friendship is the most solid foundation of love. Remember once the initial magic wears off mature relationship is what you have to build. Being a good friend is necessary when the differences between the relationship starts to show up. You may not agree on anything. You shouldn’t even expect that you will agree on everything. You are two completely different individuals and both are entitled to their view points on everything. If you are friends then you won’t try to change each other rather you will accept each others differences.
Become a good friend of your partner and treat them as you would treat a good friend. When you have arguments with your friends you have fights and then you let go but do the same with your spouse.
Dating – How to get to Know Each Other
February 22, 2010
Dating
If we were to believe the movies, dating is either a cinch—the person of your dreams walks in, you’re instantly intrigued, you flirt expertly while the steam and the background music rise, and you’re off to a beautiful, romantic, sexy beginning—or a disaster, as in the Mr. Goodbar girl-meets-killer or Fatal Attraction boy-meets-lunatic scenarios.
Real-life dating actually falls in the enormous middle ground between these two fantasies. It’s not a snap, it takes some work, but, with some inside information, it can be done right, and it can lead to lots of fun times and dating success. What makes the difference, is understanding what the potential problems of dating are, and knowing the skills to overcome, accept or reject those problems tactfully when they arise, and they will when you meet a new person.
All of the What If’s?
If you were a movie character, you’d be sure of yourself, clear on what you want, beautifully turned out, and ready to go. But, you’re you—a human being, with some confusion, some doubts, and some insecurity, like all the rest of us. Read more
Save My Marriage, Making Love last, Stop the Divorce, Getting my Girlfriend Back
February 6, 2010
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Tips for Handling Marital Conflict
December 13, 2009
Nothing Is Ever Perfect But Ee Can Resolve Conflict In A Tacful Manner
Some people would say that a couple’s ability to handle marital conflict determines the fate of their relationship. I tend to agree. Conflict is a normal part of life. If people bury it, it festers and kills romantic feelings. If conflict is handled in a way that people hurt each other with insensitivity, rigidity, threats or insults—feelings of love are deadened. Here are my quick tips for dealing with marriage conflict:
- Don’t ignore it. Try to avoid going to bed with anger or hurt.
- Be prepared to absorb the blame and to say “I’m sorry”. In reality each person is at fault but it is so much easier to see the other person’s shortcomings. If each person focuses on his or her part, there is a greater opportunity for understanding.
- Maintain a sense of perspective. How serious will the situation seem one week from now or one year from now?
- Understand where your feelings are coming from, but also try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
- Avoid hurtful words and threats at all cost.
Blending Of Two Families
December 13, 2009
The Challenges Are Worth the Growing Pains
Not every couple begins with 1+1= you and me. Sometimes we find the ones we love while emerging from other relationships. Today there are large numbers of couples coming together who have already started families and have children with previous partners. So don’t let the math stop you. Most of the time, you will be able to use what you know from the previous relationship as a foundation and to add a better dimension to the new one.
The dating scene can be hard enough for singles, but today the single mom or dad have several options for locating others who understand that situation. Special groups and organizations across the country exist to help locate singles or single parents and bring them together.
Okay, so now you are looking in the right place and you feel good about the new prospects. Have you discussed this with your kids? Maybe they are not old enough to understand and that’s ok; but if they are of an appropriate age, the considerate thing to do is to make some time for them and get their feedback. Ask them how they feel about Mom or Dad dating again. Do they have any questions? Most of the time you won’t get much response, but you have to put it out there. They will more than likely have some sort of opinion and it may tend to be that they want you to be back with their other parent again. It’s normal for them to feel that way so assure them the best way you can, either by further conversations or bringing in the other parent to help them understand it, that moving on is just part of the circumstances. Stepping away from a family relationship is not easy on anyone. But be responsible and let them know the truth.
So how does 1+1 successfully make 3 (or more)? From my experience, it is possible with younger children as they haven’t had the years of attachment to the “other” parent. But make sure that even the older children understand sometimes things don’t work out between people, that they are not at fault, but it is what it is. So once you feel you have a good connection with someone, find something that most if not all of you would enjoy doing: going to the park, the zoo, hiking, or maybe just a barbeque. This will be your time to see how the children interact and give you a chance to talk to all of them about how they feel. It may take a few of these outings to get a real feel for it, so take your time—there’s no need to rush.
When my wife and I got together, she had a 6-year-old and a 2-year-old. I made sure (as soon as we knew they were ready) to sit them down and tell them, “I’m here because I love your mom, and we want to be together. I’m not taking your father’s place, but I will be here if you need me.” I never told them to call me “Dad”, but they both did on their own and that makes me very happy. They’re now grown and I have never regretted anything about blending our families. So, take it from me: It can be done and in some cases very enjoyably, but I feel that it takes consideration and respect for each member of the family to truly make blended families work.
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