The Challenges Are Worth the Growing Pains

Not every couple begins with 1+1= you and me.  Sometimes we find the ones we love while emerging from other relationships.  Today there are large numbers of couples coming together who have already started families and have children with previous partners.  So don’t let the math stop you. Most of the time, you will be able to use what you know from the previous relationship as a foundation and to add a better dimension to the new one.
The dating scene can be hard enough for singles, but today the single mom or dad have several options for locating others who understand that situation.  Special groups and organizations across the country exist to help locate singles or single parents and bring them together.

Okay, so now you are looking in the right place and you feel good about the new prospects. Have you discussed this with your kids? Maybe they are not old enough to understand and that’s ok; but if they are of an appropriate age, the considerate thing to do is to make some time for them and get their feedback.  Ask them how they feel about Mom or Dad dating again.  Do they have any questions?  Most of the time you won’t get much response, but you have to put it out there.  They will more than likely have some sort of opinion and it may tend to be that they want you to be back with their other parent again. It’s normal for them to feel that way so assure them the best way you can, either by further conversations or bringing in the other parent to help them understand it, that moving on is just part of the circumstances. Stepping away from a family relationship is not easy on anyone.  But be responsible and let them know the truth.
So how does 1+1 successfully make 3 (or more)?  From my experience, it is possible with younger children as they haven’t had the years of attachment to the “other” parent. But make sure that even the older children understand sometimes things don’t work out between people, that they are not at fault, but it is what it is.  So once you feel you have a good connection with someone, find something that most if not all of you would enjoy doing: going to the park, the zoo, hiking, or maybe just a barbeque. This will be your time to see how the children interact and give you a chance to talk to all of them about how they feel. It may take a few of these outings to get a real feel for it, so take your time—there’s no need to rush.
When my wife and I got together, she had a 6-year-old and a 2-year-old.  I made sure (as soon as we knew they were ready) to sit them down and tell them, “I’m here because I love your mom, and we want to be together.  I’m not taking your father’s place, but I will be here if you need me.” I never told them to call me “Dad”, but they both did on their own and that makes me very happy. They’re now grown and I have never regretted anything about blending our families. So, take it from me: It can be done and in some cases very enjoyably, but I feel that it takes consideration and respect for each member of the family to truly make blended families work.