For Loving Couples

Marriage is intended to bring two people together; but there is no way to make two people happy or guarantee that is was the match made in heaven. Some have different ideas of marriage and some even think that indidelity in mariage is a small indescretion. That of course is not the case and one person at least one person gets hurt, and the marriage can suffer the threat of a messy divirce unless there can be resolve and then trying to save the marriage after an affair can be a messy and difficult challenge. 

Every marriage at one point or another is going to face turmoil.  Some situation, turn of events, harsh spoken words or actions will completely, knock one off their feet; leading to, anger, frustration and pain or any number of effects depending on the person.

It can be as monumental as infidelity or a little white lie or a pile of little white lies, and in order to get through it, – forgiveness is necessary, whatever the outcome you choose.Letting go of hurts or wrongs is never easy and can be one of the most difficult things we may have to face in our relationship but if we do not let go we are the ones that feel the pain, while the other person may not even be aware, and we are torturing ourselves as they think they are the victim now they have been caught.

In a marriage or partnership the hurts can add up to a whole lot of pain that we are holding and we are the ones carrying the weight until we cannot take anymore and explode and possibly going beyond repair. With so much at stake including our health it leaves you wondering what it is we are holding onto by not allowing ourselves to forgive. 

However, this is so easy to say; it depends on how we were raised, what were our examples, what did we see our parents put up with and what is our level of self worth?

 So the question then moves onto how in the world we forgive someone for hurting us, especially someone who took a vow to love us and respect us?  The first thing we do is go through the emotions of our pain, allow anger to turn to tears and wait a while for the tears to dry, then communicate our needs, wants and feelings to the person who hurt us.  We can scream, yell and do whatever we need to do to help relieve the pain Whether the decision is to stay or go it is time to seek help from friends, counselors, families, religion or the likes to support us through our time of need, Though often the embarrassment can be so difficult there is no hiding, so the sooner out the better.

 It is something we may need to learn; to learn to let go and take another position from how we have looked at things and learned in the past. We want to look at ourselves as the bigger and stronger person who can either let go gracefully or remove our self from the situation as it may seem.

This is never to be taken lightly, some will decide to stay in the relationship because there is so much at stake, there will be questions to be answered and considered Do I love this person, do they still love me, what about the children, how will I manage financially? then we worry about what others will think, but at the end of the day we need to make a decision that is best for us and sets the best example for the children we are raising; making these decisions when there are no set of rules, knowing that there are no guarantees and no two couples or set of circumstances the same.

If we decide to remove our self from the situation we will carry the pain if we don’t forgive, and we may begin to blame ourselves for any mistakes or part we think we have contributed to. And we will also carry the pain into other relationships and areas of our lives.

And if we stay and have not truly forgiven the other person we will make them suffer at any chance we can, which in turn will make us bitter and angry and eventually tear the relationship apart in the long run or lead to living a life of misery. And out of this, trust will never grow in other relationships and may seep into other parts of our lives and that is not fair to anyone.

Forgiveness is not excusing someone for hurting us or accepting behavior toward us when it was clearly wrong. Forgiveness is about the ability to see ourselves as more than a victim and realize that pain caused to or toward us has little to do with our inner being; but rather that of the person causing the harm.  Forgiveness is taking control of our emotions and deciding that we are the only ones who can heal ourselves. 

Then we take baby steps forward and realize that by letting go we are releasing ourselves from the pain and beginning to rediscover who we are again, usually a stronger and wiser person than before. The marriage may grow or fail, we never know, but one thing for sure is the person who forgives will be stronger than they ever imagined.  Forgiveness is never about the other person, it is always about us.

There is an old saying that reads ‘the best revenge is a life well lived…’ and it holds vibrantly true when it comes to forgiveness. Choosing to forgive is freedom, whatever the end result