I find that when we get things out in the open—even arguing a bit, we move forward.  In the long run it doesn’t help to keep things bottled up—and eventually they have a way of getting out anyway.  Often people say to themselves “it doesn’t really matter” or “I can live with it”, but then continue to be “slightly bothered”.  It’s important to be honest with yourself, I think.

Sometimes I may not talk about something right away—because I want to consider whether I’m being unreasonable—but if the emotional snag doesn’t go away, I find it’s better to talk, even if it seems “petty”.  Maybe you’re bothered by something simple such as leaving clothing on the floor—you want to tolerate it, but yet it bugs you.  Once you talk about how you’re a tidy “freak” and he isn’t, you’ll feel closer and might even arrive at a creative compromise.

Having positive self esteem and a sense of value helps keep a marriage on track.  Each person needs to have a solid sense of how he or she is special, beautiful or good looking, inside and out.  Of course a romantic partner who loves us will boost a positive self image, but each person also needs to have his or her own well of confidence.  After all, a certain amount of confidence and radiance is attractive.

When we have our own well of personal esteem, we can afford to be generous and  to trust.  We follow our dreams and allow our partner to pursue happiness without undue restrictions.  We also know and appreciate how each of us contribute to the relationship.

Post edited 9:11 am – September 22, 2009 by TAtanasova

The role of Honesty in a Relationship

Every relationship is based on trust. We buy a car trusting that the manufacturer has done a good job and that the vehicle will run according to the specifications prescribed. We buy foodstuff from the market believing it is pure and healthy for our bodies. We may not realize it often, but trust is something that we practice almost every single day of our lives. Society and life in general cannot go ahead without this basic element in a social relationship. We need to trust one another and others need to be worthy recipients of our trust. In other words, people whom we trust need to reciprocate by being trust worthy. When people betray our trust, it becomes very difficult to bear the emotional consequences that go with it.

While trust is important for any relationship, it is more so when it comes to the relationship between couples. The amount of trust between spouses or fiancés in a relationship is one of the more important ingredients in the glue that binds that relationship together. When a wife can trust her husband or a man can trust his fiancé, and they continue to act in a trustworthy manner towards each other, that would go a long way in making the bond between the two extremely strong. This is one of the reasons that there should be total honesty from the very beginning of the relationship. Right from the start of the relationship, the two should be totally open with each other. It is easier to be frank and forth right from the beginning than to hide and lie about some of the not-so-pleasant phases of our lives. A spouse or fiancé would like to hear it from you rather than coming to know of it much later from some other source. They would not only find it extremely disturbing, but also ultimately stop trusting you. Therefore maintaining honesty from the beginning of a relationship is vitally important.

Continuing to be trustworthy is also an essential trait to maintain a good relationship. The husband should be totally confident about his wife. The wife should also be absolutely sure about the integrity of her husband. This kind of trust does not come easy however. It takes a lot of effort and commitment on both sides to maintain this high level of trust. Sometimes it would require a considerable amount of sacrifice to maintain this level of trust. Take for instance the case of extra-marital affairs. Such episodes become possible in people’s married lives because one spouse decides to break the commitment that they made with their partner. Marriage vows mean nothing to many people. They say ‘For better or worse’ at the altar, but when something better comes along, they break their promise and proceed to gratify their own lusts. Sentiments such as these might seem out of fashion these days, but solid relationships stand on these old-fashioned pillars of trust, commitment, faithfulness and love whether we like them or not. And it all begins with honesty in a relationship.

Frank Pittman, a 20^th century, American psychiatrist, once said:  “The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent, and it must be equal.” 

I like this quotation—it rings bells (no pun intended) for me.  I wonder what he means by “marriage must be total”?  For me it is about commitment.  There must be a total, mutual commitment to the other person and the relationship.  Equality is important too—it doesn’t have to be a “tit for tat” situation in which everything is split in half—but both people need to invest effort in the family–and the contributions of each person should be fully appreciated–so if one person makes money and the other stays home, both roles are considered vital and valuable.