How to Cope with Your New In-Laws to be
Coping with your New In Laws Can Be a Challenge, but Many Relationships are Perfect
You’re in laws mean well, you are marrying their child and they have mixed emotions of what is about to happen, they are overjoyed, but yet they are loosing their child, and their family dynamics are changing. When you marry a man, you marry his mother, too. Well, same goes for the bride and her possibly difficult-to-deal-with family.
If you don’t get along with your future mother-in-law while you’re planning the wedding, you’re probably in for a lifetime of conflict. It is best to set the tone at the beginning, telling her you would love her input but this is your day and you have specific ideas in mind. Also it is important to share the time with both parents, so she does not feel left out of the loop. When this happens she may show anger or upset, but the upset or anger is really pain and hurt for being left out. Set a precedent and set boundaries and take into consideration what is going on for all, but that does not mean you should be walked over and have your wedding taken over by either sets of parents. First and foremost, figure out how much you have to take your in-laws preferences into account. This means you have to figure how much they’re contributing to the wedding. Just because the parents are paying for the reception that doesn’t mean you have to give in to their every wish, but it does mean they should get some say in what goes on. For example, if your groom’s father is willing to pay for an open bar at the wedding, but wants Natural Light beer served, you should probably allow that and suggest a mixture for your guest preferences. If done tactfully he will most likely be flexible and understand, if not you will have to find a way to have another option and have a paid bar service for those that want the other options. Your guests probably would appreciate a few good wines to drink with dinner. If the in-laws aren’t contributing to the budget at all, then you have no obligation to the wedding their way, but some flexibility goes a long way and shows appreciation, unless you want to foot the bill yourself. A good rule of thumb to explain your perfect day so they have an idea of what you have in mind and explain the importance of the day and you plan to do this only once.
Add people to the guest list if it fits into the budget. Wear your mother-in-law’s pearl necklace when you walk down the aisle as long as you don’t have your own family heirloom to wear. As long as you won’t regret it in the end, then there’s no harm in making someone else happy.
Don’t forget to include the groom’s mother in the planning every once in a while, inclusion is so important, the mother of the bride usually takes precedence and it is easy to forget this is a big day for her too. If the mother only has sons, she’ll never get the chance to plan her own daughter’s wedding. Don’t let her feel left out entirely, and keep her involved if she’s interested.
So plan to share a little with everyone, they will appreciate you and this is an opportunity for growth and closeness.
