For Loving Couples

How to Win With Your In Laws

Creating  Healthy Relationship with Your Inlaws

At some point, in most relationships you are going to have to meet the dreaded “IN-LAWS”.  Why are they so feared? What to do about getting past them and earning their approval?  For this article, we will presume your relationship has been taken to the next step: The dating has gone well enough that he / she has proposed and you’ve accepted.  Now you have to make an effort to get to know the other side. Most of the time, the bond builds between partners and the future in-laws during the dating cycle so the transition isn’t that hard to make. But there are those relationships where the family isn’t geographically close enough to encourage visits, so there’s little time to achieve that one-on-one time needed to bond.Take advantage of the time you have with your partner to ask questions and learn more about the possible in-laws—their views on life, how they spend their free time, any pursuits they may have together or individually.  You need this information for a few reasons:  During conversations for instance, one great icebreaker is to ask how the in-laws’ garden, golf game, church group, etc. is progressing.  Don’t just inquire, but be informed and be ready to ask real questions; Have concerns or a point to make.  This is twofold; it shows you have a genuine desire to learn about them, and it gives them a little insight as to who you are by the fact that you took time to learn about their projects /hobbies.  Sometimes finding common ground isn’t easy, so knowing a little something can help.  Consequently, never fake an interest in someone; this will be seen as deceptive and will defeat the purpose in fostering a bond.
Remember, your goal is to win approval for the future, so it is wise to build relationships with potential in-laws while building one with your partner.  Think of it as expanding your network of friends.  The other side of this is to let the in-laws learn more about your individual interests as well as interests you and your partner pursue together.  Let them know the things you enjoy and even the things you don’t, but be sensitive as you don’t want to hurt feelings (because not everyone shares the same interests, views, or opinions).  At times, in the early stages of a relationship, you may go overboard and reveal too much about yourself. Some things are not meant to be shared (at least not early on), so be aware of this and don’t be afraid to talk with your significant other about what topics to avoid. This could save a demoralizing trip down “Memory Lane” at your partner’s expense.
In-laws are not “the enemy”; they are hopefully going to be part of your extended family. They should always be treated with respect and in time you will have earned their trust if you have been truthful and forthright in your communications.  They are one more piece in the puzzle of a loving couple’s relationship.