Is the Honeymoon Over?
By
Author Atidi
When Love urns to Anger
Of course every relationship is completely different, depending on our upbringing, culture and many other factors. When you first fall in love with someone, you would treat them nicely, as if they’re everything that ever mattered to you in life. However, when you get used to each other, you start to take for granted the relationship you once shared, it appears as if loving someone has given some change to insensitivity. It’s not uncommon to find someone treating strangers, colleagues, and business acquaintances better than their close someone.Many a times, people become thoughtless, disrespectful and inconsiderate, resulting in a damaged relationship, a communication breakdown, and a fragmented self-esteem.
Simply put, if we cannot nurture and cherish those people close to us, the ones we live with under the same roof, how do we expect to liberate and change the entire world from war, self-interest, and greed? We should endeavor to make that conscious effort to be forgiving, loving, caring, and accepting of those close to us. This entails not being belittling, critical, sarcastic, etc but being self-less, and generous.The moment you step aside from yourself and your egocentricity you’ll be more kind, generous, loving, and appreciative. The moment you give because you want to, and not because you want to get something back, you’ll create a new universe of numerous possibilities. The moment you give solely to get the joy that comes with giving, you’ll understand that delight is a state of your own mind.
When you see the fruits of giving i.e. healthy connections, good communication, great self-esteem, strong bonds, etc, you’ll start to understand the importance of gratitude and humility. Instead of railing against what’s wrong with our close relationships, we need to be grateful for what’s right, as we count and appreciate the blessings that we have. It’s all about changing our perspectives, and always reminding ourselves that in each situation that triggers resentment and anger in us, there is always a different, better way of looking at it.
When your loved one treats you badly, and is full of resentment, anger, and judgment, is trying to hurt and humiliate you, you can opt to see that as a cry for pain or help. However taking abuse is never acceptable.
Try to discover what they need and how you can help them communicate? Some people are unable to ask for love in a healthy way, but if this becomes a habit a deeper intervention such as counselling maybe required. Often counselling comes with success also sometimes a fight to as the angry person does not see that they have a problem.
If only you can see that the anger is really a call for understanding, help and love, and if only you could respond to the situation the best way possible, by being forgiving, compassionate, understanding, and loving, then you’ll have an opportunity to change the relationship. Instead of responding with counter-attacks, defensiveness, and anger, you can decide to respond in love by seeing it as not an attack but a desperate ‘call for love’. But when all is said and done, it may seem like its easier said in words than done in action, doesn’t it?
And at some point if things do not improve you have to decide when enough is enough, life is too short to live in an unhappy relationship with someone who is not willing to make changes and row the boat with you.
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