Resist the Urge to Remind
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Resist the Urge to Remind
Well, I remember when……… many betrayed spouses have found it easy in anger to throw up the infidelity during every future spat. You have been hurt and you so want to hurt back, all rational goes out the window and the argument spirals out of control and the cycle goes around. Yes, you were severely wronged by the one who was unfaithful, but at some point the blame shifts to you if you are constantly throwing it up in your partner’s face. You stay because you want to work it out. Constantly reminding your partner of his or her transgression is not helpful to working it out. The pain will be there for a long time, when this occurs find a way to learn to fight if need be. Have a code word, or a cool off period; remember we cannot take back what has been said.
Also little ears maybe listening, this is not for the children to be hearing; they absorb like sponges, they hurt without saying and they learn to blame and may hold resentment towards parents for being hurtful to each other.
Find Ways to Talk About It
Don’t mistake the advice above to mean that the affair should never be discussed. There will likely be questions to be answered and feelings to be discussed. Sometimes the partner needs to know all of the details, for some it gives them answers; they want to know why, was it something they did? The details can be upsetting, but if there is a strong need, give answers in the most tactful way possible.
Talk about this at a certain time, make sure you are both calm and it is an appropriate place and time for the conversations. That will allow for the needed discussions while allowing both partners to interact and discuss the matter at hand. This will also allow conversations to happen at other times without wondering if the next word is going to be about the affair.
Believe it or not, you CAN get through infidelity with your relationship intact. It’s not easy, and it takes hard work from both partners. If you are both committed, however, you can come through this fiery trial with a relationship that is stronger than ever.
Resist the Urge to Remind
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As well and good as it may be to hang in there, talk and try to heal, but sometimes it is best to let go, move on and see which way the wind blows. Maybe the affair was a rude awakening to what was going on in your life. Things happen for a reason and the reason may be to move on, find new rivers to follow and live your life that is yours and not the life of the couple you created together.
We change and we grow and we can still love the other person but loves different things.
What do you want for you, have you ever wanted to work with Dr’s wothout borders, horseback through Uruguay, give up the ofice job and open a bar in Mexico held up with four basic walls and a palapa and sell beer until 6am. Do you love enough to give up your dreams?
Remember a